Legion 2010: Legions of Hypocrisy?????

Legion
2010
Runtime: 100 minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Director: Scott Stewart
Studio: Bold Films
Starring: Paul Bettany & Dennis Quaid
verwon Rating: 6.0

So, I decided to step out and see a movie, today......especially since I am now in an area where I CAN!!!!!!!!!!! After hopping a few buses in the rain, I arrived at the chosen cinema to watch Legion.

What I mainly have to say about this one is, it's not a bad movie and it's not a great movie. There are some neat scenes that definitely make it worth watching. There's a lot of action, so great if you're into that sort of thing.

Brief Synopsis: A fallen angel and some lowly humans are trapped in a diner, fighting the Apocalypse to save an unborn child, whose mother happens to be a waitress there.

There are a few surprises, but if you don't see them coming, it's because you fell asleep and were disturbing the other movie goers with your snoring. And like many movies, there are a lot of cliches and it kind of falls apart in the third act..........and by that, I mean, it just kind of tapers off...........

For me, it just left me thinking they'd cut a vital ending scene or the script writer got bored and just gave up, I'm not sure which!

That's why I gave it a rating of 6.0, there's some good writing and special effects and it takes a different look at religion, with a not so definitive idea of good and bad. This one allows for some shades of gray!

BEST MOVIE LINE: Percy: "I don't give a fuck how long she's been dead, bitch just walked on the ceiling!"

Paranormal Activity2007/ 2009: No Creepy Proclivities!

2007/2009
Runtime: 86 minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Director: Oren Peli
Studio: Blumhouse Productions
Starring: Katie Featherston & Micah Sloat
verwon Rating: 5.0

First, if you are wondering why I list two dates on here, the reason is simple. Due to some issues, such as the budget, this was originally filmed in 2007, but did not make it to theaters until 2009.

Second, what I thought of the movie...........DISAPPPOINTING! After all the hype and people calling it one of the scariest movies EVER, I was hoping for something that might actually get my attention and keep it. That said, NO, this film DID NOT DO IT!

You see EVERYTHING coming, there are NO SURPRISES! It seems to me that they tried to use the most popular elements of other movies, such as The Amityville Horror, and tried to incorporate them into one movie. I realize that attempt was to make a good, scary horror flick, but they failed miserably!

If there is ANYONE in this world, who has EVER watched a ghostly/demonic horror movie and was unable to guess there would be footprints left when Micah pours babypowder on the floor, then they MUST have slept through it!!!

I also realize that they were trying to stick with the supposed elements of the tale, which is why the camera usage is so amateurish. However, they could have incorporated this and done it a little better, so it wouldn't be so damn annoying!

I would also appreciate it if someone could explain to me exactly how a SUPPOSEDLY true story was able to be released with 2 different endings!! There was, of course, the theatrical one and on most DVDs, there is an alternate one that you can watch.

There are very few moments in this movie that even approach being suspenseful, there is NOTHING even close to terrifying about it.

Besides, don't ya just love when these wonderful entities perform ON CUE, ALL THE TIME? Hell, it's almost like they knew a camera crew was going to be there!!!

The cliches and overall NON-CREEPINESS is what caused me to give this one a rating of 5.0. It's watchable, but not one that will make your repeat viewing list.

If you want something interesting to watch, try Ghost Adventures from The Travel Channel. I mean, it has all the same issues as any other completely unbelievable paranormal reality thing, but at least Zak Bagans is HOT!!!

BEST MOVIE LINE: Micah, while waiting on the psychics arrival: "You'd think he'd be able to predict that the traffic is going to be bad!"

Angels & Demons 2009: A Good Watch If You Can Ignore the Religious Junk!

2009
Runtime: 138 minutes
MPAA Rating: PG13
Director: Ron Howard
Studio: Columbia Pictures
Starring: Tom Hanks & Ewan McGregor
verwon Rating: 7.0

I loved the Angels & Demons book by Dan Brown, so I wanted to see if this movie was just as good. This is one instance, where I can honestly admit to being pleasantly surprised!!! Not only was it a decent movie, but due to runtime, it was actually an improvement, as it removed a lot of the bloat that the novel suffered from.

In this movie, our hero, Robert Langdon, played by Tom Hanks and whom we became familiar with in The Da Vinci Code, is called upon by the Vatican to help find the kidnapped Perferitti.

Do I really need to add that it all ties into an ancient scientific sect called the Illuminati and he discovers a conspiract? Nah, didn't think so!

I'll stop there, but just allow me to say that there are some twists and turns, so the ending will probably surprise you!

Since I'm not a fan of the religious overtones and think both the movie and book would have done just as well with less of them, I rated this movie a 7.0.

BEST MOVIE LINE: Robert Langdon (to prominent leaders of the Vatican): Oh geez! You guys don't even read your own history do you?

Lies & Illusions 2009: Alternate Title "My What a Delusion!"

2009
MPAA Rating: R
Director: Tibor Takacs
Studio: Grand Army Entertainment
Starring: Christian Slater and Cuba Gooding Jr.
verwon Rating: 1.0

While I found the premise of this movie interesting, I was severely disappointed in the movie itself.

To sum it up, they used ALL of their limited budget in getting Christian Slater, Cuba Gooding Jr. and the fancy cars they use in almost all scenes and left NOTHING for anything else!!

I just can't believe no one would open their wallets and hand then $5, it would have greatly improved the movie.

The female leads were both just AWFUL! These women couldn't fight their way out of a wet paper bag, so who in the hell expected them to be able to act? The only person who actually used an iota of talent in this movie was Christian Slater, it seems everyone else just gave up!!! (He did his job, which is why I gave it a rating of 2.0)

Do you remember those old cap guns we had when we were kids? The ones that used those little red rolls? Yes?? Well, it seems the sound effects department did, too, because that's exactly what all the gun shots in the movie sounded like.

It is pretty sad when you watch a movie and even the car crash SUCKS!!

BEST MOVIE LINE: Wes Wilson: "I've care about two women in my life and they've both lied to me, not little white lies, big huge getcha killed kind of lies!"

Things Movies Have Taught Me: Part 1

I used to watch movies, a lot of movies, then for awhile, for various reasons, I got out of the habit. Having recently gotten back into them, I've also remembered all those interesting little movie quirks that any movie lover notices, you know, those crazy absurdities that make absolutely NO sense, but seem to be include in an inumberable number of motion pictures, anyway. It's almost as if the writers and directors are running a test, to see exactly how long we'll put up with them!

(I've listed this post as part 1, because I am CERTAIN that more will pop-up very soon!)

That said, here's a some of my favorites:

1)Ladies, if a deranged killer starts chasing you, while you are wearing high heels and you have to run, WHATEVER you do, DO NOT kick off those shoes........I mean, after all, you spent a lot of money for that high-fashion footwear and sore, cut-up feet are WORSE than death anyday!

2)If you are on foot and the person you are chasing jumps in a car, ALWAYS chase the car on foot.......don't worry, you'll ALWAYS figure out where they are headed, regardless of how fast they speed away from you!

3)If someone kidnaps your child, you MUST go nuts and go on the defensive.....ignore EVERYTHING the police and negotiators tell you, you WILL always know exactly what to do!

4)If you move into a house that has EVER had anything remotely to do with dead bodies, even though the place has been peaceful and quiet for the past 150 years, this WILL change as soon as you move in!

5)You can pick-up a gun, any gun, and even though you have NEVER touched one in your life, don't worry, when you need it, you WILL KNOW how to use it!

6)If you throw your laptop across the room, it WILL NOT break and please, ignore the battery that flew out, it will be back in place by the time you pick it up!

7)Cell phone batteries last FOREVER.........unless you are in an emergency situation where you REALLY need it, then it will die IMMEDIATELY!

8)If you don't believe in God, he will suddenly decide to give you his powers......if you're a raving lunatic who wants to kill people, then all the better! (contributed by Tom)

9)When the end of the world is coming, the knowledge will be granted to someone who is already losing it, that way we don't have to believe them and go through all the fuss and bother.!

10)You CAN hang around outside windows watching women get undressed and they will NEVER notice!

11)No pregnancy actually lasts for 9 months! (Most women could get behind this idea!)

12)ALL children are geniuses, if you think yours isn't, then cleary the fault lies with you!

13)No matter how much you drink or how many drugs you ingest, you WILL NOT die........unless it is EXACTLY the right moment for you to do so. (Same for heart attacks, cancer and anything else you can think of!)

14)Pardoxes DO NOT occur because of time travel, so feel free to enjoy yourself and do as you wish!

15)If a hotel pool disappears and is found on a desert planet, it needs no maintentance, it will still be as full of crstyal clear water as it was the day it happened!

16)Werewolves aren't REALLY bad creatures, they are just misunderstood. (Vampires are also good at heart and will fall in love with you and make all your dreams come true!)

17)True love ALWAYS works, it doesn't matter if you hate each other for other reasons, it just will.........BUT ONLY if it's TRUE love, so if you lost the girl, then you never really loved her to begin with, you schmuck!

18)An engagement or marriage done under false pretenses was fate...you were just MEANT to be together!

19)If you're poor, just relax..fame and fortune are waiting right around the corner.......LITERALLY!

20)Women always flash their breasts and/or strip for rock stars! (Apparently, we also give them blow-jobs in elevators!)

I know there are tons more, feel free to add yours in the comments or suggest them to me for the next post!

Shrink 2009: It WILL Shrink Your Mind!!!

2009
Runtime: 104 minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Director: Jonas Pate
Studio: Ignite Entertainment
Starring: Kevin Spacey
verwon Rating: 4.5

The first thing I have to say about this movie is IT IS SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!! Seriously, it is slower than snail mail during a snow storm! (Or any other type of weather, because we all KNOW the "Postal Creed" is B.S.!) As if the very slowness of it isn't bad enough, they really, I MEAN REALLY tried to toss in WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too many elements, many of which aren't explained, it's just kind of supposed that you'll figure them out on your own.

This of course leaves us with a very rushed ending, because they're trying to wrap everything up, so 10 years worth of details are condensed down to less than 10 minutes!! (I know, sometimes when I am working I WISH I had a time-warp like this!)

The movie can be summed up pretty simply, the shrink himself loses it and has to get his brain back and this, of course, is another topic that's been done in the movies 2 million times already........perhaps that's why they tried to toss in so much other stuff?? One can only hope they had some rational reason for it, however, as a writer myself, I'd have left some stuff for a future script!!!

So, basically, the entire movie is what caused me to rate it only a 4.5 and I am thinking that's pretty generous!

BEST MOVIE LINE: Jack: "This guy sees more puss than a litterbox!"

Oh and you'll want to keep your eye out for the amazing disappearing and reappearing script as well as for when the writer tosses his closed laptop on the floor and the battery flies out........only to pick it up 2 seconds later, it's open and on and the battery is NOWHERE TO BE SEEN! WOW! Now THAT'S movie magic!!

Star Trek 2009: Answering Questions and a Good Movie!

2009
Runtime: 127 minutes
MPAA Rating: PG13
Director: J.J. Abrams
Studio: Paramount Pictures
Starring: Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto
verwon Rating: 9.5

If you were a fan of the original Star Trek, then you will definitely like this movie. Remember those unanswered questions, like wondering what the Kobayashi Maru test was and how James T. Kirk, played by Chris Pine, managed to be the only one to beat it? Well, you'll get the answer to that one in this movie and find out how he became the youngest, ever Starfleet captain!

Not only that, but they also managed to fit in a great scene with an antique car, the abuse of said car, the wrecking of this very vehicle, an awesome flying motorcycle and lots of stunning visual effects and explosions to round it all out. Most of the young actors did quite well in managing to match their counterparts from The Original Series and Motion Picture Collection, except for Bones, played by Karl Urban, he just seemed to be lacking that same snippy attitude of the original Dr. McCoy. This is why I only rated it a 9.5, the rest of the movie was REALLY good!

I also have to wonder what we're supposed to think of Spock's love affair? It was never mentioned in the original series........is this related to that time thing??

And what's up with the brain slugs? Personally, if these things really exist......I DON'T WANT TO KNOW, THANKS!! (Keep it to yourself...NO, really, I MEAN IT!)

BEST MOVIE LINE: Kirk: (in reference to Spock)"Who was that pointy-eared bastard?"

The Proposal 2009: Everyone's Dream....MARRY ME OR ELSE!!!!

2009
Runtime: 108 minutes
MPAA Rating: PG13
Director: Anne Fletcher
Studio: Touchstone Pictures
Starring: Sandra Bullock & Ryan Reynolds.
verwon Rating: 8.0


Okay, there have been MANY 'we HAVE to get married' movies, so I admit to some trepidation when I decided to watch this, however, I am pleased to report that it was, another, pleasant surprise.

To sum it up, Margaret Tate, played by Sandra Bullock, is about to be deported to Canada, but doesn't want to leave the U.S. and lose her high-powered job, so she bullies her assistant, Andrew Paxton, played by Ryan Reynolds, into agreeing to marry her and this is where the hilariity begins.

Ever watch a guy make a woman propose, on her knees, on a busy, public street? No?? Then you won't want to miss this one, it's well worth the watch.

Everyone knows I'm a big fan of sarcasm and that's where I found this movie to be MOST original, many writers and directors tend to shy away from it, I suppose because they think it will go over the average movie-goers head, but this movie embraced it and did so VERY well. The snappy comebacks were very witty and kept you waiting in anticipation of the next good line!

I rated this one an 8.0, simply because it's not a GREAT movie and the story line has been done so many times, but if you like humor and sarcasm, you will enjoy this movie.

My main question is, if he was going to make her propose, as I mentioned above, then what the hell was going on at his parent's house that made him give her the bed and sleep on the floor? When did he suddenly become the gentleman?

For men, and some women, if you need further incentive to watch this movie, it does have a MOSTLY NAKED Sandra Bullock!!! (Personally, I have no complaints about the mostly naked Ryan Reynolds!)

I also find the scene interesting where she, supposedly, just wakes up and her hair's a mess, but her eye makeup is PERFECT.....guess we aren't supposed to notice this.

BEST MOVIE LINE: Margaret: ""You touch my ass one more time, I will cut your balls off while you sleep!"

P.S. Don't miss the 'exotic' dancer scene!!

Hardwired 2009: We're In Your Brain..........BUY OUR STUFF!!!

2009
Runtime: 94 minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Director: Ernie Barbarash
Studio: Insight Film Studios
Starring: Cuba Gooding Jr. & Val Kilmer
verwon Rating: 6.0

How strange that would be, to wake up in the hospital after a car wreck, in which you lost your pregnant wife and have no memory of her, but yoiu suddenly start seeing holographic ads everywhere you look!! Ads that WON'T quit, until you obtain the product, one way or another! Kind of can't blame the guy for getting JUST A LITTLE pissed off. That is exactly what happens in this movie to Luke Gibson, played by Cuba Gooding Jr.

The basic problem with this movie, of course, is the fact that the whole 'messing with the human brain' thing has been done MANY times, it's not the first time we've seen some type of microchip implanted to suit someone else's nefarious purposes, I will give them credit, though, since the idea of using it for advertising was a new one, mostly they just try to turn the person into the 'perfect weapon' or something. That's why I gave this movie a rating of 6.0, it's okay to watch, but certainly not the best or most original out there.

There were a few amusing moments, even though it is supposed to be a serious movie, such as during the beginning credits where you see some big name product placement, such as Aquafina advertised on the side of a gazelle and the moon turned into a giant Pepsi logo. Seriously, I wish I had thought of this stuff....then I wouldn't have to write this blog!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'd also like to add that the exploding heads were a VERY nice touch!

My main question about this movie is: What's up with Val Kilmer??? Did they forget to bring a hairbrush???

BEST MOVIE LINE: Drake: "Take it from me, this is gonna hurt!"

Hyenas The Movie! A New Take on an Old Legend.

Hyenas
COMING SOON! (2009)
Director: Eric Weston
Starring: Costas Mandylor & Derrick Kosinski
Company: Entertainment Lab

This movie HAS NOT been released, yet, but if you click the link above, you can view the 'unofficial' trailer on Youtube.

This movie is based on a very, old legend regarding roving bands of shape-shifters, who go from being people to being Hyenas. It's kind of a werewold-esque concept, but it does look promising! I think it'll be fascinating to see if they can add more new ideas to an ancient movie concept, because the basic Werewolf movie has been out for a long time, it's been done and REDONE!

You can catch movie news at their official Hyenas site and follow them on Twitter for updates.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.......perhaps this means that @Cammmalot WAS right and body hair IS making a comeback!!!








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The X-Files: I Want to Believe 2008: If Only You Were Believable!!

2008
Runtime: 108 minutes
MPAA Rating: PG13
Director: Chris Carter
Studio: 20th Century Fox Film Corporation
Starring: David Duchovny & Gillian Anderson
verwon Rating: 2.0

Let's see, as a fan of the series in it's early years, what can I say about this movie? Ummmmmmmmmmmm.....the dead bodies were EXCELLENT!!

Seriously, you know how, when the first movie came out, they kind of destroyed the series and made it even WEIRDER than usual? Well, they just continued that with this one. NOTHING makes sense, but somehow, Mulder, played by David Duchovny, thinks it does and tugs are every damn string he can find to try and make his theories work.

Scully, played (no surprise here) by Gillian Anderson, is in love with him, but he could tell her a scorpion is scaling her head and, even as it stings her eyeball, she wouldn't believe him. (I gotta tell ya, THAT'S LOVE!!!)

I do have to admit, however, that the 2-headed dog is a VERY nice touch!

That said, no, the movie ISN'T very entertaining, this could have all been condensed into 1 demented episode that we'd have all regretted watching, anyway, so I gave it a 2 and ONLY because those dead bodies were REALLY realistic!

BEST MOVIE LINE: Mulder: "If it were me, I'd be on the guy 24/7, I'd be in bed with him kissing his holy ass!" upon finding out the former Priest is a pedophile "Maybe I'd stay out of bed with him!"

I Love You, Man! 2009: The Ultimate Bromance Movie!!!!

2009
Runtime: 105 minutes
MPAA Rating: R
Director: John Hamburg
Studio: Dreamworks SKG
Starring: Paul Rudd & Rashida Jones
verwon Rating: 9.0

Okay, this is just a funny movie, it's well done, the acting is great and the story line is something we are ALL familiar with....the infamous BROMANCE!!

The basic premise is, Peter Klaven, played by Paul Rudd, gets engaged and realizes he has NO close male friends to be in the wedding party, let alone someone to ask to be his best man. Thus, he embarks on a series of "man dates" to try to find that 'special' someone. His hilarious misadventures will have you laughing throughout the movie!!!

I am picky about comedies, because I am not generally entertained by stupid, I like stuff to actually be FUNNY and this movie does, definitely, achieve that. I was particularly fond of the 'bromance' break-up scene, you can definitely recognize EVERYTHING that occurs, unless you've NEVER, EVER dated someone.

The most hilarious aspect of the movie, is when his fiance, Zooey, played by Rashida Jones, says she was once involved with a man who didn't like blow-jobs...................PURE FICTION! Any straight woman who's been involved, sexually, with a man can tell you that such a creature DOES NOT EXIST!!!!!!!!!!

Lou Ferrigno, aka the original Incredible Hulk, also has a great role in this movie.

Since the movie is just a touch sappy for my taste, I gave it a rating of 9.0.

BEST MOVIE LINE: Sydney: "What the fuck is there to do at Legoland that you take these kids there every weekend?"

Taken 2008: Enraged Father Strikes Again!!

2008
Runtime: 93 minutes
MPAA Rating: PG13
Director: Pierre Morel
Studio: Europa Corp.
Starring: Liam Neeson & Maggie Grace
verwon rating: 8.0

This is another movie that I was very pleasantly surprised by, since I quite expected yet another crazy kidnapping movie, a la Mel Gibson in Ransom , you know that lovely insane quality that he's so good at and if oft copied, but never quite mastered in other movies?

This one, however, is quite different in both the reason for his daughter's kidnapping, as well as how he reacts to it and goes about looking for her. Liam Neeson plays the part of the father, Brian Mills, very uniquely. He doesn't attack the problem with seeming insanity made worse, but rather in a matter of fact manner, as if to say "This is what I know how to do and I am just going to do it."

I do, admit, that the kidnapping of a child plot is a complete rehash, it has been done so many times that it's just not possible to keep it completely new and fresh, so there are of course some similarities here with other, related, movies, which is why I only rated it an 8.0. It's worth the watch, but will not make it on your favorites list.

I do have one big question though, why do almost ALL action movies, at some point, show someone ON FOOT chasing a SPEEDING CAR? Come on film makers, we all know by now that they ARE NOT going to catch the car...and NO! You won't fool us by changing it to a bus, train or any other type of vehicle in your next movie...just give it up already!!!!!

BEST MOVIE LINE: Amanda: "Come on, you gotta lose it sometime, might as well be in Paris!" (Referring to Kim's virginity!)