Things Movies Have Taught Me: Part 1

I used to watch movies, a lot of movies, then for awhile, for various reasons, I got out of the habit. Having recently gotten back into them, I've also remembered all those interesting little movie quirks that any movie lover notices, you know, those crazy absurdities that make absolutely NO sense, but seem to be include in an inumberable number of motion pictures, anyway. It's almost as if the writers and directors are running a test, to see exactly how long we'll put up with them!

(I've listed this post as part 1, because I am CERTAIN that more will pop-up very soon!)

That said, here's a some of my favorites:

1)Ladies, if a deranged killer starts chasing you, while you are wearing high heels and you have to run, WHATEVER you do, DO NOT kick off those shoes........I mean, after all, you spent a lot of money for that high-fashion footwear and sore, cut-up feet are WORSE than death anyday!

2)If you are on foot and the person you are chasing jumps in a car, ALWAYS chase the car on foot.......don't worry, you'll ALWAYS figure out where they are headed, regardless of how fast they speed away from you!

3)If someone kidnaps your child, you MUST go nuts and go on the defensive.....ignore EVERYTHING the police and negotiators tell you, you WILL always know exactly what to do!

4)If you move into a house that has EVER had anything remotely to do with dead bodies, even though the place has been peaceful and quiet for the past 150 years, this WILL change as soon as you move in!

5)You can pick-up a gun, any gun, and even though you have NEVER touched one in your life, don't worry, when you need it, you WILL KNOW how to use it!

6)If you throw your laptop across the room, it WILL NOT break and please, ignore the battery that flew out, it will be back in place by the time you pick it up!

7)Cell phone batteries last FOREVER.........unless you are in an emergency situation where you REALLY need it, then it will die IMMEDIATELY!

8)If you don't believe in God, he will suddenly decide to give you his powers......if you're a raving lunatic who wants to kill people, then all the better! (contributed by Tom)

9)When the end of the world is coming, the knowledge will be granted to someone who is already losing it, that way we don't have to believe them and go through all the fuss and bother.!

10)You CAN hang around outside windows watching women get undressed and they will NEVER notice!

11)No pregnancy actually lasts for 9 months! (Most women could get behind this idea!)

12)ALL children are geniuses, if you think yours isn't, then cleary the fault lies with you!

13)No matter how much you drink or how many drugs you ingest, you WILL NOT die........unless it is EXACTLY the right moment for you to do so. (Same for heart attacks, cancer and anything else you can think of!)

14)Pardoxes DO NOT occur because of time travel, so feel free to enjoy yourself and do as you wish!

15)If a hotel pool disappears and is found on a desert planet, it needs no maintentance, it will still be as full of crstyal clear water as it was the day it happened!

16)Werewolves aren't REALLY bad creatures, they are just misunderstood. (Vampires are also good at heart and will fall in love with you and make all your dreams come true!)

17)True love ALWAYS works, it doesn't matter if you hate each other for other reasons, it just will.........BUT ONLY if it's TRUE love, so if you lost the girl, then you never really loved her to begin with, you schmuck!

18)An engagement or marriage done under false pretenses was fate...you were just MEANT to be together!

19)If you're poor, just relax..fame and fortune are waiting right around the corner.......LITERALLY!

20)Women always flash their breasts and/or strip for rock stars! (Apparently, we also give them blow-jobs in elevators!)

I know there are tons more, feel free to add yours in the comments or suggest them to me for the next post!